Friday, February 25, 2011

Starting Now...

Nick and I broke up. He doesn't want to take the CA Bar Exam. I don't blame him for that, but I also don't want to continue to be in a long distance relationship with no end in sight. I also don't want to give up a great relationship with my family to move back to NJ to be with a boy who is willing to let me go because he doesn't want to study for 2 months and sit through a 3 day test, even though it would open up a lot of job opportunities for him, in addition to bringing us one step closer to getting to spend our lives together.

People move cross country for love all the time.

People do much harder things than study and take licensing exams.

I guess he doesn't think a life with me is worth it. That... sucks. It really truly sucks but what more am I supposed to do? He knew from the first time we met that I would be moving to CA. He's the one who talked me into staying for the summer. He's the one who talked me into staying together after my move and working to make long-distance work.

I've done everything I can to be a great girlfriend. I call, I send random care packages for him and his family, I participated in his fantasy football league (I hate football -_- ). I knit personal gifts for him and everyone in his immediate family, all 16 of them. I make and send cookies, I made him a journal, sent pictures. I was also super laid back and wouldn't get upset at him if we didn't talk for a few days. I never took him away from his friends. I would listen to him complain about work and his life and all that. I would read over his writing for his script. I showed him a great time in LA back in January. I showered him with affection and love.

I really genuinely thought he was different. That I had found my partner.

I feel like an idiot for loving him. For putting so much work and effort into making him feel special. For trusting him with my feelings.

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