I miss Nick. Sometimes I think that I'm romanticizing our relationship and our breakup too much. I try to focus on the negative things about him and our relationship that I didn't enjoy-- trust me, there was plenty. But every time I speak to him on the phone, I feel this overwhelming happiness at the sound of his voice. My body relaxes and I feel like I can breath again. At the end of the conversation, though, I remember that that feeling is just a temporary high and it dissipates as quickly as it arises.
I spent the first few weeks after our breakup vengeance dating. I went to BBQ with Will, watched Love Actually, and How I Met Your Mother. I went out to bars and socialized with people. I made sure to do all the things that I wanted to do, rather than just what the person I'm dating wanted to do.
I've slowed down on that front in the past few weeks. I still see Will, though not with the same frequency or desperation to avoid being alone. He very much wants to be my boyfriend. I have to keep slowing him down and reminding him of the transitional position I am currently in.
I've gone on a few dates in the past weeks (one has developed into a really good friend while the other was a total schmoozer who I am not interested in) and have a couple more lined up for this week (both on the same day, actually). I've unofficially adopted the lines, "cause all these girls they add up to like half of your sum, so if you break my heart, I'll just be having some fun," as my motto during this strange transitional period.
I know that I need to go through this now. I know that good people are coming into my life. I know that I'll meet the right person when I least expect it.
But I hate this waiting! I'm no good at it! I wish I could fast-forward to six months from now when most of this stuff will have sorted itself out.