I spoke with Nick on the phone yesterday. For the first time in... 6+ months.
He wants to see me in March, when he flies out to Vegas for a few days with some of his friends. We've been talking back and forth about it via email and I thought it best to call him and get everything out of the way, so that we would be finished.
I wish I could say that hearing the sound of his voice had no effect on me. But I would be lying if I said that. I wholeheartedly wanted to marry him and spend the rest of my life making us happy and successful. I have no doubt in my mind that we would have been, too.
But he did not want to undergo the temporary discomfort of a long-distance relationship that would allow me to move back to NJ in a way that didn't burn the relationship with my family. And he didn't want to think about moving out here. Not seriously, anyway.
It took a long, long time for me to accept that. To live with that. To be ok with that.
But I am now.
He is a beautiful road not taken and that's all he'll ever be to me. And that's ok.